David’s guide to surviving Thanksgiving (and some computer stuff)

.FLYINGHEAD FROM THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
.TITLE David’s guide to surviving Thanksgiving (and some computer stuff)
.AUTHOR David Gewirtz
.SUMMARY Our fearless leader tells us how he became fearless about Thanksgiving celebrations. If you’re celebrating Turkey Day with your family, you owe it to yourself and your family harmony to read this article. Oh, and he also talks about some computer stuff as well.
.DEPT
Those of you outside the U.S. might not be aware of a little tradition we have here: Thanksgiving. According to our grade school classes, Thanksgiving is a holiday that came about when those wacky Pilgrims finally had a bountiful harvest, held a celebration, and gave thanks. The historical reality is far more unclear, and very definitely subject to interpretation. A quick Google search of "thanksgiving" and "meaning" turns up more crap than you’d believe.

Besides, nobody cares. That’s not what Thanksgiving really means.

In America, Thanksgiving means parades, football, families, and food. The last two, of course, are the challenge, and here’s where my very short survival guide comes in.

I, like most folks, have fond memories of family Thanksgiving celebrations. But for years, they somewhat overwhelmed me. Often, we’d be joined by far-flung relatives whose names I couldn’t remember. There’d be hugs from old people who shouldn’t be allowed to hug without first getting a safety certification. And while there was plenty of food, there was never pizza.

It took me well into my 30’s to develop two techniques that, when used together, never fail to make Thanksgiving enjoyable to me, and surprisingly enjoyable to those around me. The key, however, is to use these techniques together. Either, used alone, will often result in disappointment, or — worse — more chicken soup than your freezer can possibly hold.

.BREAK_EMAIL For super-secret Jedi Mind Techniques you can can use this Thanksgiving, click here.

.H1 Technique 1: It’s all about the dark meat
You may or may not like turkey (what are you, a communist?) and you may or may not like dark meat. I love dark meat turkey and I’m not really a fan of white meat. The first half of David’s Patent-Pending Thanksgiving Survival Program is to make the day all about dark meat turkey.

Nothing else and no one else matters.

Your mission, above all, is to get to the celebration and to get the dark meat before anyone else can. If you have to hockey check your great aunt to get that haunch, do it. If you have to blockade the kitchen door, do it. Whatever it takes, get yourself that plate full of dark meat (and maybe some gravy).

Here’s how this part works. First, getting the dark meat means you’ll enjoy your meal. But having that as your mission means you’ll know what to do and what to say to every family member in attendance. Every action on your part is measured by whether it gets you closer to acquiring or consuming the dark meat.

Once you’ve finished the meal, of course, it’s perfectly reasonable (and even accepted) to take a nap, watch a game, or fire up that Xbox you’ve been praying your cousin still has.

The dark meat quest is extremely satisfying, but it’ll backfire without the second technique.

.H1 Technique 2: Effusively complimenting the cook
Nothing reclassifies you from "rude, gluttonous pig" to "extremely polite, nice man" than complimenting the cook. A lot. In every way you can think of. You may have just practiced your body block technique on Uncle Bob, but if you turn to Aunt Alice and tell her how much you love her turkey, you’ll get that welcome smile.

I’m serious about this. You can get away with nearly any marginally reprehensible behavior at a family gathering if you make sure to effusively say nice things to the cook.

I’m talking Jedi-level powerful stuff here. It’s amazing. Used together, it’s like you can walk through walls, turn lead into gold, and get all the dark meat you want.

.H1 Some computer stuff
Yes, this is Computing Unplugged Magazine and so I’m honor-bound to write something about computers. Fortunately, there is a bit to say. I felt, as a public service, that I’d pass along my Thanksgiving tips first. I hope they help make your Thanksgiving as good as mine.

Oh, and for my family members reading this article: stay away from the dark meat. It’s mine!

Let’s move on. Last week, I wrote a piece about moving your Palm data to a new machine. I got a couple of great responses, and it inspired James Booth to write an article that’s also in this issue. Here are some other comments I got.

David Friedlander writes:

Your article fails to mention that it only applies to those who synchronize their data with the Palm Desktop. Those of us who used Pocket Mirror to synchronize our old Palms with Outlook have a completely different process to follow, made much more complex by the fact that new Tungstens come with the new Outlook synchronization instead of Pocket Mirror. I ended up getting rid of the new conduits and reinstalling Pocket Mirror so things would work the way they used to.

By the way, Sony Clie users switching back to Palm (or vice versa) have even more issues.

Keitha Redmond tells us:

How did you know I am about to treat myself to a new device for Christmas? So I read with interest your article on starting clean with a new Palm handheld.

Thanks for a great publication — when it’s in my Inbox everything else waits while I savour it with my morning coffee.

Honestly, the idea of doing this with Outlook scares me. However, here’s what I’d do. I’d get everything just right on the Palm handheld. Then I’d switch, and sync with Palm Desktop. Then I’d following the instructions in the article, get everything working just right with the new Palm handheld and the Palm Desktop. Then I’d follow Palm’s instructions on switching to Outlook.

This theory is completely untested, so it could alter the Earth’s orbit and force you to travel back in time. I’m hoping another reader will step up to the plate and write about his or her experiences doing this.

Finally, before I close out this article, I’d like to tell you that Connected Photographer Magazine is now online (at http://www.connectedphotographer.com) and we’ll be sending out our first weekly update this week. Special thanks to all our Computing Unplugged readers who encouraged us to launch the magazine. Please read it and I hope you’ll all enjoy your holiday.

See ya next week.

— David

PS: Oh, as a thank you to everyone for helping convince us to get the magazine launched, we’re offering a special $20 discount to anyone who wants to get the My First Digital Camera audio program. Just go to http://shop.zatz.com/customer/home.php?cat=11 and enter the code CP921477 when you check out.

.BIO