.FLYINGHEAD GUEST EDITORIAL
.TITLE Invade my privacy, please.
.AUTHOR Jorge Sosa
.SUMMARY Internet advertising is under the gun because — for some people — it actually works too well.
.OTHER
.BEGIN_SIDEBAR
.H1 About this editorial
Hmmm. Well. OK, then. This is a guest editorial and provides much food for thought. It does not, however, represent the opinions, policies, thoughts, sick little fantasies, or plans of ZATZ Publishing, Component Enterprises, Inc., Computing Unplugged Magazine, the editors, investors, management, employees, families, or anyone we know, have ever met, or ever will meet. We’re letting one of our favorite authors, Jorge Sosa, hang out there with this baby all on his own. You go, Jorge! –The Editors
.END_SIDEBAR
Internet advertising is under the gun because — for some people — it actually works too well.
Well-intentioned groups such as the [[http://www.democraticmedia.org/about_cdd|Center for Digital Democracy]] get all freaked out when marketers boast of the ability to use technology to track — or at least make solid predictions about — just about every facet of a consumer’s life.
We live in the glorious 21st century now, which is a world where corporations can potentially divine everything from one’s musical tastes to one’s bedroom kinks.
As many of us increasingly use our mobile devices and Web browsers to manage our existence, we create a tantalizing breadcrumb trail for marketers to follow. Couple that with the phenomenon of mass-scale exhibitionism we like to call Facebook and Twitter, and a company with enough resources can get to know us pretty well.
.TEASER Tap here and keep reading.
The burgeoning practice of behavioral marketing allows them to deliver the right advertisement to the right person at the right instant with increasing precision.
As innovation advances, one can only expect this highly targeted form of advertising to get more and more efficient. Unless Congress decides to smother this promising prodigy in its crib.
Groups such as the aforementioned Center for Digital Democracy have been bending legislators’ ears and, as [[http://www.docuticker.com/?cat=57|a recent Congressional Research Service report]] notes, the legislators are listening:
.QUOTE Representative Rick Boucher, chairman of the House Energy and Commerce subcommitee on Communications, Technology, and the Internet, has announced plans to introduce legislation setting tighter standards for online privacy, which could limit some forms of targeted advertising.
I’d like to use this platform to send Congressman Boucher a polite message of my own, "Thanks for thinking of me, but please butt the heck out."
There are few things that bother me more than wildly untargeted advertising. Whenever I check my email or hit a Web site lately, I am confronted with accusations that my abs are too flabby, my teeth too yellow, my credit rating too poor and my, well, you know, is too flaccid. Admittedly, three out of four of those are lucky good guesses.
But that’s it — they’re just guesses. They’re symptoms of inefficient communication strategy. They’re insulting, disengenous solicitations from someone who doesn’t care about me as an individual.
Let’s contrast them with a recent pleasant experience I had on Facebook. I was minding all my Facebook friends’ business when a patriotic red, white, and blue advertising tile caught my eye. I did a double-take.
The ad was for a T-shirt bearing a political slogan, "Vote for Palantine: We Are The People." I recognized it as the theme for the fictional Palantine campaign in the film "Taxi Driver." By culling information I divulged about my cinematic tastes, someone correctly deduced that I love that movie and would be just geeky enough to appreciate the T-shirt’s semi-obscure reference. Seeing that ad brought a toothy, yellow grin to my face.
I want more of those kinds of ads: ads that make me feel like more than just another mindless fool waiting to be parted from his money. Ads that leave me with the impression that someone actually pays attention to my quirky behavior and preferences and cares enough about me to try to sell me stuff that I actually want.
If anything, I want marketers to invade my privacy even more than they’re legally able to now. The technology exists to let marketers obssessively catalog my everyday existence. Why not let them use it?
I’m referring of course, to the ability law enforcement agencies have to turn some cell phones into a remote listening device. They can surruptiously activate your cell phone and use the receiver as a "roving bug." That’s right. Authorities can listen in on your daily conversations through the dormant cell phone in your pocket. Apparently, [[http://news.cnet.com/2100-1029-6140191.html|this ability has come in handy in the past]], when FBI agents couldn’t get close enough to big-time New York mafiosi to plant old-fashioned bugs. The catch is, you can’t legally do that to people without a warrant.
I say, screw the warrant. If Congressman Boucher really wants to serve We The Consumers, he should be introducing legislation to let marketers tap our cellphones willy-nilly.
Hold on. Bear me out. This is not as crazy as it sounds.
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See, by borrowing some wicked spy tech from the NSA, marketers could systematically parse our conversations in real-time for keywords. These keywords would signal our needs at any given moment, and marketers could reply with custom text-message ads instantly.
How awesome would that be? Imagine, if if you will, my wife and I on a typical Saturday afternoon on the town.
The scene: We’re tooling around in our car. I say, "Golly, I’m hungry. Don’t know what I want, though."
Bzzz. My phone goes off in my pants. It’s a text ad. "Oh, wow, honey. They’ve got two-for-one bags of sliders at the Burger Hut."
"That sounds good," she replies. "What do you want to do after?"
"How about a movie?
Bzzz. It’s another text. "Cool. I’ve got the showtimes for the CineJumpoPlex 30 right here. Looks like they’re showing ‘Zombies vs. Giant Robots’ at 7:05 and ‘A Blossom for Gwendolyn’ at 7:10. What the heck’s ‘A Blossom for Gwendolyn?’"
"Oooh, that’s the new Meryl Streep flick! Let’s see that!"
"Uh, no."
"C’mon, Jorge! How come we never see what I want to see?"
Bzzz. "What’s this? Free initial session at Sunshine Marriage Counseling? Whatever! Our marriage is just fine. Nothing wrong with it that a little love and understanding can’t fix."
Bzzz. "What the? Half-off white Zinfandel and K-Y Jelly at the MegaMart? Ok, that’s a little creepy."
.BIO Jorge Sosa is a writer/photographer for the Hutchinson Leader. He can be reached via e-mail at jsosa1234@yahoo.com or on Twitter at http://twitter.com/jsosa1234.
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