.FLYINGHEAD PRODUCT REVIEW
.TITLE Consumer Alert: Do not buy the GE Halogen toaster oven
.AUTHOR David Gewirtz
.SUMMARY This isn’t a vacuum cleaner, but it sucks. This isn’t a fan, but it blows. This isn’t a dog, but it bites. Wow, who knew GE could make something so sucktacular? I’m talking about the GE Halogen toaster oven. This thing is firing ass on all cylinders. It’s dangerous, it’s annoying to operate, and it works poorly. It’s also the most expensive toaster oven Wal-Mart sells and you should not buy it.
.OTHER
This isn’t a vacuum cleaner, but it sucks. This isn’t a fan, but it blows. This isn’t a dog, but it bites. Wow! Who knew General Electric could make something so sucktacular?
.CALLOUT This is dangerous enough that we have to recommend the device be recalled from the market.
I’m talking about the GE Halogen toaster oven. This thing is firing ass on all cylinders. It’s dangerous, it’s annoying to operate, and it works poorly. It’s also the most expensive toaster oven Wal-Mart sells and you should not buy it.
In fact, if you’re thinking about buying it, don’t. If you’ve already bought it, return it. If you’re working for GE, recall it.
So what’s wrong with this $79.95 toaster oven? It’s got three strikes against it.
.H1 Strike one: burning hazard
First, it’s dangerous. Very dangerous. The first time I opened it, I burned my knuckles. Now, I’ve got a guy-sized hand, but even so, first degree burns are never fun. As you can see in Figure A, there’s a relatively small finger space between the handle and the stainless steel panel of the oven door.
.FIGPAIR A You can burn yourself badly on the exposed steel.
.TEASER To read the rest of our oh-so-positive review, tap here. And don’t buy this thing.
That stainless steel panel gets very hot. Very, very hot. The side arms on the door also get very, very hot. Unless you’re careful, you can get badly burned simply by attempting to open the oven door. You can see how small the gap is for your knuckles even better in Figure B.
.FIGPAIR B My big hands meant an instant first-degree burn on first use.
In my case, it hurt. But if a little kid, with sensitive skin were to reach in to open the door, the stainless steel panel could sear onto her little hand, and rip skin off. Not something you’d want to happen first thing in the morning.
I never expected a hazard like this to reach the market, especially in a GE device. This is dangerous enough that we have to recommend the device be recalled from the market. This is a major lawsuit waiting to happen and given both GE’s and Wal-Mart’s oh-so-deep pockets, they’d be advised to take this product off the market. If the coffee lady could be awarded $2.9M for McDonald’s coffee, imagine how much GE and Wal-Mart would have to shell out for a product that seared off a kid’s hand.
.H1 Strike two: bad interface
Some of you might think I’m a bit too whiney about being burned. "Suck it up. Take it like a man. What’s wrong with a little burn if your toaster has a digital display?"
Well, it turns out the digital interface sucks. Let’s say you want to bake a grilled cheese sandwich for five minutes. You have to press 32 buttons. Yep, there are 32 button presses to get one grilled cheese sandwich. Because the baking option defaults to 30 minutes, you need to hit the Time button 25 times to get it down to five minutes. Then there are another 7 button presses to initiate the time, tell it to bake, tell it to start, and so forth.
This morning, I tried to make some of those yummy orange Pillsbury danish that come in a tube. It took 19 button presses to bake it for 18 minutes. The dough was still white and pasty on top, so I put it in for another five minutes (32 more button presses). Still pasty, another five minutes (yet another 32 more button presses). All told, I had to press the little buttons 83 times, just to bake an instant danish breakfast!
No, you can’t just hold the button and let it count down. Yeah, that would have been nice. And, of course, you can’t change the 30 minute default to anything else.
Oh, and because the interface is digital, when you toast something, you get three settings. That’s it. There’s no analog adjustment if the toaster isn’t quite right. You get uncooked, still uncooked, and toasting for 19 minutes and your bread is burnt.
.H1 Strike three: crappy cooking
And that brings us to the third strike. If the oven was dangerous and the interface sucked, but it created amazing food, it’d almost be worth the risk. But it doesn’t.
As I mentioned, I had to put the danish back in the oven for an extra ten minutes, until the top turned a more golden brown. Unfortunately, while the top cooked very slowly, the bottom burned.
I’ve made these danish a whole lot of times in the ancient toaster oven I was replacing, and I never, ever got burning on the bottom and raw dough on top. I’m not much of a cook, but just how hard is it to heat something for 18 minutes?
.H1 Final conclusions
So, why am I writing about this in Computing Unplugged? Is it just because I’m pissed that the bloody thing burned my hand?
No. I’m writing because this is just the sort of gadget we gadget-freaks are likely to buy. If you’re faced with fifteen toasters and one has a digital display, that’s the one you’re going to choose. Right? Yeah, admit it.
Given that this thing is in Wal-Mart and given that it’s the sort of thing our readers are likely to buy, it seemed only prudent to pass along a warning. Don’t buy this thing.
.BEGIN_KEEP
And, if you’re the guy who designed this digital-displaying turd of an oven, I sentence you to use the GE Halogen toaster oven from Hell, every day before coffee, for the rest of your natural life. It’s your design. You live with it. Me, I’m taking it back. This is why Wal-Mart has a 90-day return policy.
We give the GE Halogen toaster oven a rating of zero golden-brown danish out of five.
.RATING 0
.BEGIN_SIDEBAR
.H1 Product availability and resources
Do not buy the GE Halogen toaster oven from Wal-Mart or anywhere else.
.END_SIDEBAR
.BIO
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