.FLYINGHEAD PRODUCT REVIEW
.TITLE Dear Diary: Ugly cow, killing ducks
.AUTHOR David Gewirtz
.SUMMARY In this first of four articles, intrepid Editor-in-Chief David Gewirtz explores World of Warcraft. Read on to learn about him, his ugly cow, and the ducks that must die. No real ducks were harmed in the writing of this article.
.FEATURE
.BEGIN_SIDEBAR
.H1 About this article
It’s the heat of summer, a time when people’s hearts and minds turn to…mush. For some strange reason, they think about such things as barbecues, baseball, flowers, motorcycles, and picnics when they should be thinking about ways to avoid that bright yellow thing in the sky. In the interests of protecting our readers from the evils of that place called "outside," we bring you the first in a series of articles exploring the World of Warcraft.
.END_SIDEBAR
Dear Diary,
Today I moved into the World of Warcraft. It was fun, but the move was a lot of work. First, I had to load all the CDs. For some reason, the install process was slower than my Big Aunt Mabel running in the sock races last July 4. I mean, it took hours!
Fortunately, after a while, everything was loaded and it was time to play. I was so excited, my palms were all sweaty. After quickly wiping them on my jeans, I grabbed my mouse and clicked that pretty little icon on my desktop. I was rewarded with a long and exciting End User License Agreement. I felt honored that the World of Warcraft wanted to have an agreement with me, and after reading a paragraph and then scrolling to the end, I was in!
Well, nearly. I like this world. They’re very careful who they let in. Not only do you have to qualify by buying the game, you have to give them all sorts of information and even your credit card (I guess like a damage deposit), just to be allowed into the hallowed gates. Of course, I gave them all they asked, and then I was in!
Well, not quite. Again, I’m very impressed with this world. They’re very thorough. For once you install the game and come to an agreement, and give them all your worldly information, they check to make sure you’re completely up to date. The update loading process took about an hour, somewhat less than it took me to get through customs when I had to declare all those "art" pictures I brought back into the country. What was nice about it, this time, was there were no disapproving stares!
And then I was in!
.BREAK_EMAIL There’s a lot more to this World of Warcraft story. Tap here to read the rest.
Well, almost. First, I had to join a realm. The World nicely suggested a few to me, but I knew I needed to join IceCrown. That was nice. Then I had to tell the World my name. Unfortunately, someone else took my trademarked "Blackbeard" name, but I quickly made up another. In this world, I am Darklore.
In fact, in this world, I am Darklore, the incredibly ugly cow. That’s right. I chose the big bull option as my character, because I am a Taurus and I can certainly identify with big bull. It felt right and it felt good.
After a little cut scene time where the world spun around and around, like we do when we dance at the May Poll, I was dropped into this pretty little settlement with trees and tents and other ugly cows.
Cowabunga, I was in!
Hmm… what to do now? Well, there were no people with green lines over their heads, so I guess I just need to kill everyone around me. But that didn’t seem to work. Everyone just ambled away. No one was wearing the blue and gold, so I guess I’m not in Sanctuary anymore. Apparently, it’s hard to get other ugly cows angry.
So, off I went, on my quest. I looked for vehicle stations, armor pads, and I even tried to hack my way inside of one of those teepees. Sadly, there was no hacking. You just walk in. There’s not much to do inside, so I walked back outside.
Where was that vehicle station? I knew if I could only get up in my Reaver, I could look around and get the lay of the land. But although the World of Warcraft box told me about flying Zeppelins, I could see nothing flying at all. I did, however, see one guy with a floating yellow exclamation mark on his head.
Since I couldn’t kill him, I talked to him instead. I thought he was supposed to die, since the exclamation point wasn’t green, but he seemed nice enough. But then, he got weird. And mean.
He told me he wanted me to go out into the grassy area and kill some blue ducks. That’s mean! I like all animals, especially the ugly cows like me. But then I thought, I eat cows all the time and love it. Does that mean I’m a cannibal? Oh, what the heck, I’ll go kill me a duck!
And, I did, too. I went off and found a duck and after a big fight, I killed that sucker! Man, I thought I was a gonner for a minute. Those ducks are mean!
Diary, I wonder about this world. What’s the attraction? Do we all just kill ducks all the time? Is this why I gave up my afterburner-powered space plane? Is this why I hung up my heavy armor and engineer’s gear? Is it all about playing duck and cover?
I don’t know. I felt strangely let down. But try as I might, I couldn’t recall to Sanctuary. I guess I’m stuck here as an ugly cow, me and the ducks.
Well, goodbye for now, Dear Diary. Who knows what the morrow will bring?
.BEGIN_SIDEBAR
.H1 Product availability and resources
For more information on World of Warcraft, visit http://www.worldofwarcraft.com.
.END_SIDEBAR
.BIO
